Menopause is officially on it's way

Well today I got my first Zoladex injection. I now have a hormone pellet the size of a grain of rice under my skin in my stomach that shuts down my ovaries in an effort to protect them from the effects of chemotherapy.

The injection wasn't that bad, they gave me an emla patch 30 minutes prior to the insertion so it only stung a little bit. The worst part is that they preformed it in the chemo suite. I went in they gave me a hospital ID bracelet, and asked me to go into the chemo section where everyone was being infused with poison. It really made me feel uncomfortable, I felt like I didn't belong...the worst part is I really do belong even if I don't want to admit it to myself. What a scary concept, very soon that will be me hooked up to ECG machines and toxic drips and there is not a thing I can do about it.

I have my new Official Chemo Start Date:

December 2nd, 2010

Well thats all from me today. In a sick and twisted way I am looking forward to chemo so it can be over and done with. I have my port insertion tomorrow so hopefully it goes well with minimal pain. I will check in again soon, I hope to not leave the blog for 2 weeks again, sorry folks :)

My Last Couple Weeks In A Nutshell

Well, it has been a wirlwind couple weeks and I appologize for not updating the blog in so long. One reason why I have been so distracted and busy is because I got a cellulitus infection in my axillar from my axillary clearance surgery and I ended up spending 6 days in hospital on IV anti-biotics. I was a bit of a nightmare but I am glad I am home and at least the infection has cleared.

Of course the infection had ramifications and delayed my chemo and port-o-cath insertion. I now start chemo on November 30th or December 1st.  I am also undergoing the zoladex injections for ovarian suppression which I start tomorrow, I am a little worried about getting a drug to put me into menopause but hopefully the symptoms wont be too bad.  Since my port insertion was delayed I am getting it on Friday. I have a busy weekend ahead and chemo is quickly approaching.

I am still very worried about chemo and I find myself very scared of an allergic reaction or severe side effects. I guess I have to find faith from somewhere, mine is dwindling and very sparse nowadays. I do find it hard lately to get excited and find happiness in things. I guess I have a hit a rut. I am sure I will feel better when all of this is behind me. In the beginning I never wanted to let breast cancer get me too far down, I guess I need to get back to that mantra. There are just so many stressful things, and I really miss my sister since she has decided to no longer be a part of my life. I guess the only thing keeping me going is my boys, they really do have the greatest ability to make me smile, they are fantastic.

Well I better run and get some things done. I am updating my ipod and getting somethings organized for Christmas. We are setting our tree up early so I can do it before Chemo and really enjoy it. I really love Christmas and I find myself very excited and I hope Chemo isn't too terrible so I can still enjoy the holidays!

Egg Pick Up Complete

Well yesterday I had my egg pick up. It all went well, they say they aim for 8-10 eggs so they can prevent overstimulation of the ovaries. I got 12 eggs so they say I got a bonus! Hopefully majority fertilize and they grow nicely so I can put a good amount on ice. Its a strange feeling thinking my potentially future children are growing in a petri dish.

The surgery went well, although I was pretty sore waking up. They gave me some good pain killers (phentanol) and let me have a coffee and a sandwhich and sent me home. I only had to take a couple doses of panadiene forte (tylenol 3's) and now I feel fine. I am a bit bloated but nothing too bad. I think it went really well.

I am expecting a phone call before 12pm today to let me know how many have fertilized so I will update soon. I cannot wait until my oncologist calls and lets me know when I can use my embryo's....I am so stoked :)

Thanks so much everyone for following me on my journey. I appreciate all the support!!

I now have an official Chemo Date, yikes!

Ok well I finally have the date where I will be pumped full of poison that will 'hopefully' save my life and keep the cancer out of my body forever.

November 16th, 2010

Thats it the day I am terrified of. I had so many emotions and cried like a baby when the oncologist told me he wants me to start then. The first thing I thought was "oh my god, so soon?" I thought I would have longer to wrap my head around it. I have pretty much ignored the fact that I would need chemo and basically just stayed oblivious and prayed maybe for some miracle I could get away without it. No such luck. So I will have it, as if I had a choice in the matter.

I also had a chemo information session. Talk about a lot of information to digest. There are a MILLION side effects. My white blood cells will plummet to scary levels so thats a given, so my immune system will be essentially non-existant. They give you the usual, "try to avoid small children and crowds"..yeah right because I can avoid my kids. So they have told me to pretty much develop OCD on handwashing and sanitization in the house. I can't eat pretty much anything, not even lettuce (grown in dirt) so basically the pregnant womens guidelines but more strict. I can't do a bunch of things for 10 days post chemo until my blood counts increase. Its pretty freaky the stuff that can happen.

I am keeping a fairly level head and trying to be as positive as possible. I am however getting some valium before my first cycle to calm me down prior to going in. I think I might be a head case otherwise. I also will have my port so I guess I can lose the anxiety about getting jabbed with IV's.

I am very scared and nervous but if it saves my life it will be worth it. So please body let the chemo work and don't let the cancer come back I beg of you!

In case anyone is curious this is trhe chemo I will be on:
Taxotere, Doxorubicin, and Cyclophospharide

Now for the serious stuff

Ok well there have been some changes to my treatment plan. I have found out I am triple negative. That means I have no hormone receptors for my tumour which means I have less options for treatment and hormone therapy doesnt work. So basically if I dont respond to chemotherapy there are no other options. So lets hope chemo kicks my cancer in the butt and I can get on with life. I still need to do more research on triple negative, I am a bit scared and anxious of the unknown so I feel that research may help me overcome some of the anxiety.

Also I have my egg collection on Monday which I am looking forward to, one less procedure. I can't wait to see how many eggs fertilize and freeze well so i know my backup plan is really in effect! So by Monday thats 3 procedures in 6 weeks and I have one more prior to chemo. I am getting a port put in (also referred to as a port-o-cath) to make chemo administration easier. I go in for a smal surgery to get it implanted, basically it is an IV(canular) under my skin that can be acessed by needle and it has a tube being fed into my artery. Apparently they are less painful then IV's (especially with my terrible veins). They also leave the port in for 12 months post chemo just in case.  So two surgeries down, one to go. I am just eager for this to all be finished but I am trying to keep a positive outlook.

I have also been seeing the occupational therapist. I have no signs of lymphodema at this point but I do have lymphatic webbing. I have had some massage sessions and laser sessions and I am hoping I can get this sorted because it is rather painful. It feels like I have a single cord thats too tight stuck in my arm so I cannot straighten my arm without pain. I have to massage several times a day and do more laser therapy. My OT is hoping to 'break' the cord' so i can have relief, which she says will be instant. Here's to hoping :)

An Update...

I have been extremely busy lately. I started my puregon (hormone injections) for embryo storage and its actually a lot easier to jab myself than I accepted. I am now on the last day of hormone injections and I have not turned into a pyscho which makes my husband more than happy, haha. I am very excited to have embryo's on ice and know that I have options. Then I can start chemo and get all of this over with and get on with living my life. I have had people ask if I will try 'naturally' to have children again prior to using IVF, and honestly I don't think I would. I want another baby now, so waiting will be hard enough. I think as soon as the Ocologist gives me the ok I will book into the clinic and tell them to insert the embryo as soon as possible. I hope I get a good amount of eggs at the pick up, fingers crossed.

At the moment I have been so busy with party planning and it was my son's 3rd birthday party on Sunday so I have been baking up a storm. I have made a few too many treats and have been 'supervising' decorations (I am still to sore to do too much labour). I have also been doing treat bags, organizing games, costumes (its a halloween party) and the menu plan. This will be my last big party effort for a while so I have to make a big effort and have lots of fun. I can sleep next week, and at this rate I will need it. I find that giving myself something to look forward to is really helpful mentally, and it helps me keep my mind off the bad stuff and get through each day. I cannot just let myself fall into a funk.

In order to play distraction I also signed up for a cake decorating class which I am really enjoying. Its Monday nigths for 4 weeks. I am a bit disappointed because I may miss the 3rd class because of chemo but I will see how I go. I love making cakes and hope that I can gain some new skilss and really improve my technique.

I am doing pretty well lately distracting myself and I have started back at the gym. I have been doing pump, step and some cardio to get back in the swing of things. I feel fantastic by working on my fitness. I have even managed to eat ZERO sugar or saturated fat for 4 days, which at the rate of my 'oh poor me' choclate addiction for a couple weeks is a big effort. I am rather proud!