November 16th, 2010
Thats it the day I am terrified of. I had so many emotions and cried like a baby when the oncologist told me he wants me to start then. The first thing I thought was "oh my god, so soon?" I thought I would have longer to wrap my head around it. I have pretty much ignored the fact that I would need chemo and basically just stayed oblivious and prayed maybe for some miracle I could get away without it. No such luck. So I will have it, as if I had a choice in the matter.
I also had a chemo information session. Talk about a lot of information to digest. There are a MILLION side effects. My white blood cells will plummet to scary levels so thats a given, so my immune system will be essentially non-existant. They give you the usual, "try to avoid small children and crowds"..yeah right because I can avoid my kids. So they have told me to pretty much develop OCD on handwashing and sanitization in the house. I can't eat pretty much anything, not even lettuce (grown in dirt) so basically the pregnant womens guidelines but more strict. I can't do a bunch of things for 10 days post chemo until my blood counts increase. Its pretty freaky the stuff that can happen.
I am keeping a fairly level head and trying to be as positive as possible. I am however getting some valium before my first cycle to calm me down prior to going in. I think I might be a head case otherwise. I also will have my port so I guess I can lose the anxiety about getting jabbed with IV's.
I am very scared and nervous but if it saves my life it will be worth it. So please body let the chemo work and don't let the cancer come back I beg of you!
In case anyone is curious this is trhe chemo I will be on:
Taxotere, Doxorubicin, and Cyclophospharide
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