Bilateral Masectomy Here I Come

Written February 6th

I am obviously devestated and upset by this new revelation, I was more distraught yesterday. I had some big decisions to make. My left breast has to come off regardless but I also have the decision to keep my right one or have the two removed. After much careful consideration I have decided on bilateral masectomy. I would rather never have another chance of a tumor popping up, having a mammogram every 6-12 months for the rest of life and the constant worry about recurrance is too high a price to pay. I will get a reconstruction and implants to match my current size after I finish all my treatments so in about 6 months.

My masectomy is scheduled for Valentines Day; February 14th, 2011. What a day for it, I thought I might be able to have some flowers, chocolates and maybe a present but instead I will be in surgery and recovery.  I should be in hospital for 2 nights according to my surgeon.

Two New Tumours :(

Written February 2nd.

Well last week I had a biopsy for two new lumps I found. I never posted because I was clinging to the hope they were benign. Well unfortunately they are not. I have two new tumours that have grown while on chemotherapy. They are very small only 5mm in diameter each. I am very lucky I am still doing breast exams even while on chemotherapy so they think I have caught it very early which is always a good sign.

So I have what is classed as a Local Recurrence which is not the same as the cancer spreading to the rest of my body and can still be cured so long as that while this was growing the cancer has not spread anywhere else. I am booked in to have a CT scan and another bone scan to make sure it has not metastasized to anywhere else in my body.

Now my decision needs to be made on whether or not I want a bilateral (both sides) mastectomy or just a left mastectomy. I have one week to decide, then I meet with my surgeon to sign the necessary paperwork. This is going to be one tough decision.

My mastectomy is scheduled for February 14th, 2011. This is actually quite funny and kind of like de ja vous, considering I had a dream the night before my biopsy that it came back as cancer and I had to have a mastectomy on Valentines Day and I wrote a book about my experience and somehow worked Valentines into the title, haha. Maybe I am a little psychic, lol.

Excercise Physiologist is a good fit.

I typed this post on January 31st, but never posted it. Can you tell I am catching up since neglecting my poor blog

Well today I went and met with my exercise physiologist and she was great. We had a chat about my goals, and dietary needs. I also had a fitness test which I aced :) She said she will need to changer her program because my results completely screwed her average for her chemo patients and I will need a whole different program!

So the plan is for me to see a dietitian and get my diet into check without restricting calories (a big no no while on chemo) and then to get an exercise program and see her once a week for the beginning for the first month. She will give me at at home exercise plan so I can follow the program from home and still see results. Then I will have another 10 weeks of training (once a fortnight) and by then I will nearly be over all this cancer crap so I can get on with life! I will keep you posted on how it all goes!

Reached The Halfway Point

This post was typed on January 27th...I just never had a chance to post :)

Well everyone I have had my 3rd Chemo and I am halfway through!! I am so happy to finally reach the halfway mark, I feel like I can see light at the end of the tunnel. It has been a long time coming and it finally feels like I can get through this. After I finish chemo I just need to do 6 weeks of radiation and I am finished.

The only thing I am struggling with is an approved exercise regime.  I know they say to exercise I just don't know when its overdoing it so yesterday I got a referral to an exercise physiologist who specializes with chemo patients. I am looking forward to seeing what she recommends. I got referred by the lovely ladies at the cancer council.

 I also bought a bicycle and a kiddie trailer so I can ride with my boys for a bit of exercise on my two good weeks. Chemo only really seems to knock me about for a week and then I have 2 good, albeit tired weeks. I am hoping between Pilate's and bike riding I can get rid of the 5kg I have put on in the 3 and a bit months since diagnosis. Two of my main drugs Taxotere and Zoladex have the primary symptom of weight gain and water retention so between that and some naughty snacking its all working against me. Hopefully I can overcome it all and kick some of the weight to the curb. Fingers crossed.

Well wish me luck for my last 3 chemo's and kicking this weight gain into submission!

I Am Feeling Fantastic!

Well everyone I am feeling AWESOME with a capital A. I have started exercising again and getting back to eating a more modest diet after indulging a little too much for Christmas. I am cooking great healthy food again and I just feel fantastic. I get tired by lunch time and need a nap but other than that, and a lack of hair I feel like myself! I am having a really good day today. Yesterday I went and bought a bike and a Kiddie trailer (Courtesy of the fundraiser money; thanks girls!) so I can still get some great exercise while my husband is at work during the week. It also makes a great family activity, so it is magnificent.

Yesterday I tried out my new bike and ended up doing around 4km. It didn't really challenge me much but in an effort not to overdo it I decided not to push it. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good and I wasn't sore so today I managed 7km, which I think is rather impressive considering I only did chemo 9 days ago. I am going to aim for 7-10km everyday (except the few days I am sick following chemo). I really want to keep my body in shape and keep some of those endorphins I have been missing so much. I really think exercise is what I have been lacking and why I have been a bit down up until now. Sure I have an excuse to be down but why use it? I would rather look good, and feel even better by challenging myself and keeping active!

I also got a referral to an exercise physiologist so I can have a proper program to follow so I can achieve my fitness goals, while not overdoing it. The physiologist I got referred to is revered by the cancer council and she specializes in helping chemo patients. I am so excited to start!

I am also cooking again, something that is a true love of mine. I made Portuguese chicken with stuffed roasted capsicum, hasselbeck potato's and roasted herb zucchini. I am going to focus on trying many new recipes that are healthy and taste great. I really need some good vegetable recipes because steamed vegetables are getting old really fast. I also made some healthy blueberry oat muffins for a play date I am going on with a good friend. Between cooking, baking and exercise I have found my happy place!

Happy New Year, Another One Bites The Dust

Well chemotherapy session two is over and out, thank goodness and that means I am one third of the way through this whole chemo mess and one step closer to getting on with my life and all fingers crossed living cancer free. I still have good days, bad days, meltdowns, and happiness my emotions can be a little all over the place. For instance tonight I was feeling semi-ok being day five of my chemo cycle so I was excited to have a nice bubble bath and watch the DVD 'Despicable Me' with my gorgeous boys. Well the video store was all out and its not available for purchase until tomorrow. I had a mini-meltdown and felt like the world was against me yet again but I soon got over it had a bath with a gossip mag and reclaimed my evening. I guess my point is the simplest things can be over upsetting and I can feel irrational and upset over something that would not normally upset me. Welcome to life with cancer I guess, but that being said I have good days where I feel ready to reclaim my place on the 'healthy' side of life where the little things cannot get me down.  I will get over all of this and I will be fine, I will beat this. I will beat this because I know I am a strong woman and I will not let it beat me. I will not fail if I have a few less than 'positive' days that people like to push on me, I am entitled to have a bad day, a cry and a complain here and there because this situation really sucks. One thing I do get is one life experience that will most definitely make me stronger, more aware of my body and grateful. I will always be grateful for the treatment that has been such a nightmare because it will in the end save my life.

So this nightmare treatment was bad for the last few days, but in all honesty now I have gotten to day five I am feeling a bit better (except for the exceptionally irritating reflux) and it doesn't seem that bad. While its bad, its the worst and I feel like I can't do it again but then I get to a day like today and I know I can make it through yet another cycle of chemotherapy. I am not out of the woods of the chemo cycle yet and I could be horribly sick tomorrow but I think I am coping rather well. My husband is being exceptional and really stepping up to the plate. I get all the rest I need and he will get me anything I ask him for. He has been so fantastic and I appreciate how much he is helping me through this ordeal by just letting me recover when I need it and never pushing me to over exceed myself. Thanks Honey!

Side effect wise I had the normal nausea, tiredness, and general feeling of unwell. Last night was my worst night because I couldn't get to sleep, woke constantly with nausea, and reflux and discomfort I hope tonight is better. I haven't had the bad aches and pains like last time which is nice, I have only needed pain relief once. I have taken bucket loads of anti-nauseant medication though, which is to be expected. With all the medication I have had only 1 day of bad nausea where I felt as though I had a few too many cocktails the night before, unfortunately for me not a cocktail in sight.  I have also started to get as sore throat and some aches in my ears but I had that last time and I am on the mandatory anti-biotics so hopefully I don't end up neutropenic and in hospital like last time but I am confident I won't.

I am also doing a very in depth journal through this chemo cycle. I am documenting everything I do, eat, every nap, and side effect. I am hoping that the chemo effect diary will help me know what side effects to expect and when and also what I did to ease the side effects, what helped and what didn't. I am also finding it therapeutic to have an outlet to jot everything down.

So that's where I am at now, thank you for following along. I can assure everyone I am ok, and I will get through this. Thank you for the support, I really appreciate everyone being there for me and checking to see how I am doing.

Oh and before I forget:

Happy New Year!!!

My proud as punch moment: I had chemo on New Years Eve and I actually managed to go out to dinner with my Family, take the kids out for ice cream and fireworks and I stayed up for my midnight kiss! Is that amazing or what! I cannot believe I did it! I never knew I had it in me! So much for my preconceived notion of what a chemo patient was like!

I wish you all a Happy New Year, with many blessings!

Happy Holidays Everyone

Well I had a fantastic Christmas, well as good can be expected for being in the tropics. I miss snow...I really was dreaming of a white Christmas! I was supposed to be back home in the snow for Christmas but cancer stopped my plans. Oh well maybe next year, Christmas on Australia truly doesn't get the spirit going, I need snow and a fire and hot chocolate.

So as I was saying Christmas was woderful and the kids, my husband and I really did get spoiled. The kids had a ball and were showered in gifts, we had food galore and it was a great day overall. I even got a cuisinart icecream maker, woohoo. I just made some low fat vanilla frozen yogurt and it is amazing!

I have gone 9 days without hair since I shaved it the night I wrote the "hair today gone tomorrow" post. I never lasted until tomorrow. Everywhere I went I ended up with a hair trail, and it was all over the couch so I just got my husnad to buzz cut it. It was a traumatic experience and it really upset me, the tears were definatly flowing. I was so upset my husband finally asked if I was 'ready' my reply "I will never be ready just get it over with". So he did, and it actually hurt to get it all off as my scalp was beyond sensitive from my hair folicles dying or something, my scalp had been hurting for a week before I shaved it. It even hurt for a week after shaving it.

After I shaved it I really struggled, I felt like a man as I didn't feel pretty at all. I was now bald. It was a really hard concept to grasp, I kept reaching for my hair and it wasn't there. It was really upsetting. The first few days without hair I would only get around in my "Beau Beau' or my wig. Now with constant (pretty much every hour) hot flashes from my zoladex induced menopause while I am at home just with the family I just go bald. To be honest I am not completely bald now, I have some patches of buzz cut hair but its very thin and getting thinner by the day. I don't think it will last much longer than a week. My wig is great for when we go somewhere or when I want to feel like me. The "beau beau" is fantastic for around the house, and out and about on those days I can't be bothered sweating in a wig.

Everything else has been going very well. I got my second zoladex injection a week ago and I am due for my round two of chemo in two days. I am not as nervous as last time because I guess I know what to expect. Its not as scary as I thought it would be and I had no adverse side effects last time so I have to just bite the bullet knowing I will feel like crap for a week or so. I just hope I don't end up in hopsital this time with neutropenia. So New Years Eve is my chemo day I will celebrate next year.

Have a Happy New Year!!! I hope you all have your New Year's resolutions and I wish you all the strength and determination to acheive your goals and have a wonderful New Year filled with happiness.