Happy Holidays Everyone

Well I had a fantastic Christmas, well as good can be expected for being in the tropics. I miss snow...I really was dreaming of a white Christmas! I was supposed to be back home in the snow for Christmas but cancer stopped my plans. Oh well maybe next year, Christmas on Australia truly doesn't get the spirit going, I need snow and a fire and hot chocolate.

So as I was saying Christmas was woderful and the kids, my husband and I really did get spoiled. The kids had a ball and were showered in gifts, we had food galore and it was a great day overall. I even got a cuisinart icecream maker, woohoo. I just made some low fat vanilla frozen yogurt and it is amazing!

I have gone 9 days without hair since I shaved it the night I wrote the "hair today gone tomorrow" post. I never lasted until tomorrow. Everywhere I went I ended up with a hair trail, and it was all over the couch so I just got my husnad to buzz cut it. It was a traumatic experience and it really upset me, the tears were definatly flowing. I was so upset my husband finally asked if I was 'ready' my reply "I will never be ready just get it over with". So he did, and it actually hurt to get it all off as my scalp was beyond sensitive from my hair folicles dying or something, my scalp had been hurting for a week before I shaved it. It even hurt for a week after shaving it.

After I shaved it I really struggled, I felt like a man as I didn't feel pretty at all. I was now bald. It was a really hard concept to grasp, I kept reaching for my hair and it wasn't there. It was really upsetting. The first few days without hair I would only get around in my "Beau Beau' or my wig. Now with constant (pretty much every hour) hot flashes from my zoladex induced menopause while I am at home just with the family I just go bald. To be honest I am not completely bald now, I have some patches of buzz cut hair but its very thin and getting thinner by the day. I don't think it will last much longer than a week. My wig is great for when we go somewhere or when I want to feel like me. The "beau beau" is fantastic for around the house, and out and about on those days I can't be bothered sweating in a wig.

Everything else has been going very well. I got my second zoladex injection a week ago and I am due for my round two of chemo in two days. I am not as nervous as last time because I guess I know what to expect. Its not as scary as I thought it would be and I had no adverse side effects last time so I have to just bite the bullet knowing I will feel like crap for a week or so. I just hope I don't end up in hopsital this time with neutropenia. So New Years Eve is my chemo day I will celebrate next year.

Have a Happy New Year!!! I hope you all have your New Year's resolutions and I wish you all the strength and determination to acheive your goals and have a wonderful New Year filled with happiness.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Not only is Hair Today Gone Tomorrow my motto for today but it was also the name of a fundraiser bbq and raffle done by my friends for me in which we raised just over $1200 and we donated a large portion to Breast Cancer Network Australia to provide Women with "My Journey" packs. J and L did one heck of a job organizing and we had some great donations from local business's for the raffle. J shaved her head along with her husband and her mother as well. It really was a show of support for me and other women with breast cancer and amazed me of the length people will go to be supportive. Thank you J and L, you did a great job and I am so sorry it has taken me so long to write this post.

Tomorrow is my day to do my head shave. My hair is coming out in clumps now. On December 16th it started to come out in noticeable amounts. I am in shock I think and it hasn't fully hit me, I can't believe I am going to be bald. My husband will be giving me the buzz cut. I told him to prepare for one very upset me and a lot of tears. I think it will be me a box of chocolates, Kleenex and solitude for a few hours to process. Then I will be getting 'wiggy with it' until my hair grows back.

So I have an awesome wig, and a great 'Beau Beau'. I ordered it from the United States in Florida and it seems great. I will give it a test run once my hair is gone tomorrow. If you are interested in getting one here is the site. http://www.4women.com/  I think they are fantastic because you don't have to tie the scarf, it comes all pre-sewn so if someone knocks on the door I can throw it on and not worry about asking them to wait while I figure out how to tie the darn thing. I will buy a scarf or two and learn to tie, so I have a few options but I think the wig and the beau beau will be really great as a starting point.  I really want to order the 'art addiction brown' one in silk but they are not cheap (but you get what you pay for) so I will have to wait....one at a time unfortunately.

My husband is being very supportive of me losing my hair. He keeps telling me I will still be beautiful (I am not a believer, I loved my long hair). Although the one thing he tells me is how excited he is for all my new looks, he thinks its awesome I can change wigs and scarfs and 'Beau Beau's', so I guess I will have to indulge in the fact that its not everyday you can change your look so much, and try to have fun with it. I will keep trying to tell myself that tomorrow when I do the shave, which I am scared to do.

Wish me luck everyone, I am one nervous chick!

Hair, Reflux and All Things Christmas

Well Christmas is just around the corner and I am super excited. I cannot wait for Christmas, I feel like a kid again...minus the need to stay up all night waiting for Santa Claus. My Christmas eve will be spent with my lovely husband putting together a swing set from 'Santa' for my boys. I have started my Christmas baking, which is very therapeutic by the way and I intend on finishing today and tomorrow so I can get my gift baskets out of the way. I will take pictures of my gift baskets when I finish, I really hope they turn out as well as I want them to.

One person who is on the top of my gift basket list is B, she did a photo shoot with me on Monday. I am so excited to see all the photographs as the sneak peek was fabulous! I got a haircut and when I mean haircut I mean HAIRCUT. I got about 12 inches cut off to make the hair falling out process a little less traumatic. They assure me my hair will be falling out by the handful by December 20th so needless to say I am nervous, yikes! I have a cute little pixie cut now and feel a little like a 10 year old boy but everyone assures me it looks good. My verdict, I LOVE my long hair and intend on growing it all back just as long but this time I will have bangs, I honestly think they suit me.  If I get brave maybe I will post some haircut pics if anyone is interested.

Now as for the reflux I think it will be the death of me. I have been up since 4am and I cannot lay down it is agony. I am taking omeprazol, mylanta and quick eze and I am not sensing an ounce of relief. I have an appointment with my oncologist December 22nd. I can't wait that long so I sent a text to my breast care nurse. I hope she gets back to me quickly and I can just go pick up some better, more effective medication. If I do find a really good reflux medication for the stomach that has been torn apart from chemo I will post it because I think it will be worth its weight in gold if I can find one that's effective. I am sure other people on chemo have this issue as well.

Today I intend on sending Christmas Cards, finishing Christmas shopping and getting the kids photo with Santa. Wish me luck it could be a big day! I hope everyone is enjoying the festive season this year!

Speedy Update!

Just a quick update from me :)

I got a fever and got stuck in hospital for the last 5 days for neutropenia. My nuetrophils were 0.2 so well below the required chemo level of 1.5. This means they dilute my next chemo by 20% and delay it by 5 days which means....I won't be sick for Xmas woohoo!!!!!
I hope to escape hospital tomorrow but they are saying Monday. I have been on iv ab's for the last 5 days so hopefully that's enough.. My levels are slowly creeping up so fingers crossed they are high enough tomorrow.

Have a great weekend everyone! I will do a proper post soon! I am very eager to get home and start my Christmas baking and get into the Christmas spirit :)

Chemo Caught Me After All

I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription. ~Finley Peter Dunne

I just wanted to throw that in for a bit of humour this morning :)

Well the first two days post chemo were relatively good, in comparison with days 3,4 and 5 they were truly a cake walk. The night of day three (or two days post chemo) the chemo really did a number on my stomach. I had the worst heartburn I have EVER experienced and I hope its the worst I will ever experience it was agonizing. I ended up in hospital that night and they tried prescription acid reduction drugs, gastrogel, and normal chewable antacids. Nothing worked so they hooked me up to an IV and gave me oral anaethstetic which made me very nauseous so I ended up with a few different IV anti-nausients. From what the doctor says chemotherapy targets all fast growing cells, not specifically cancer so stomach cells can be adversely affected. I am not on a prescription to stop the production of strong stomach acid twice a day to limit the pain. A few days later and if I don't eat small meals every few hours I get the acid pains but it is getting easier to manage.

The doctor at ER also did some blood tests and I had elevated white blood cell counts so he told me to start my routine anti-biotics (normally start on day 5) a day early because he felt I had an infection brewing. I told him I could feel my throat getting sore and since it was red he just confirmed I needed to start the anti-biotics. Even today my throat is getting worse but I have been on anti-biotics for 48 hours so I will call the oncologist and make sure all is still ok. I don't want the infection to get out of control while I am immunosuppressed, the less complication the better.

On day four I never got out of bed, except to pee and shower. I was so tired and my stomach still hurt so bad and the nausea was an issue. It was a complete right off. Day 3/4 is also when the bone, muscle and joint pain really started to take off. I think that's one of the things I find really hard to deal with as well is the constant pain, everything hurts, even the joints in my fingers. I take panadiene forte (Tylenol 3's) every 6 hours and it doesn't even dent the pain......I don't want to find out what it feels like with no pain relief that's for sure.

All in all chemo is better than I expected. I thought it would be much worse, or at least worse for longer periods of time. It was only about 36 hours where I really struggled and didn't think I could do it anymore. The last couple days have been tough but  do-able. I am dreading the next cycle only because I don't want to have to go through it all again and I am scared of the stomach pain again. I know I will get through it but I can't say I am looking forward to it. I hope the side effects are not too much worse next time around. They say they increase with each cycle but I am praying I am an exception to the rule.  Today insomnia has set in, ever since yesterday afternoon I have the inability to sleep even though I am so tired, I think I got about 3 hours of sleep last night. Hopefully I can nap today! I think I might even go for a walk and take the kids to the park, and get some fresh air and watch my gorgeous boys have some fun!
                   

Chemo Session One, Done and Dusted

Well I had my first chemotherapy treatment yesterday. I am AMAZED I am on this blog typing about my experience already. It had blown me away how well I am taking it so far. Yesterday I felt no different albeit a little more tired than usual and was in bed by 9:30pm.

I was so so scared of side effects while being infused with the chemo but to be honest, I never felt a thing. The worst part was the ice gloves so my fingers nails hopefully don't fall out. It all went very smoothly and I am very impressed at how I handled it like a pro. All that fear for nothing, of and I am sure the Valium had a small role in me not freaking out as much as I anticipated.

Today so far I have been tired, a bit seedy feeling (slightly nauseous) and I have had some joint pain. Other than that it was pretty good. I even managed to get in the car to drive to the ice cream man a few houses down because my little boy had his hopes on Mommy taking him not Dad. I am pretty impressed! I am feeling pretty crummy now so I am about to have a ginger lemon tea and I just took some anti-nausea pills and hopefully that does the trick.

Many people say it can take a couple days for the full effect to hit you, I am hoping that through a combination of prayer and meds it doesn't get much worse except for some expected nasty fatigue. So fingers crossed that a couple more days of lounging around the house and I can feel a little better. I am praying it doesn't hit me too too hard,

Here are some pics of my first chemo session.

 There is the needle that has been put in to access my port.

 My fancy drip hookup so I can be infused with the cancer killing poison

My uncomfortable ice gloves, while I get infused with poison number one. The yucky red stuff!

Well that's as exciting as it gets so far, I am hoping I feel even 80% super soon. Although I am handling it way better than expected I still would like to feel better and more like myself. I hope this tea and an early night does the trick. Thanks again everyone for being here for me, comments always welcome and I appreciated the support!

In Panic Mode...literally!

Well today I had a MAJOR panic attack. It was the scariest thing I have ever had, I literally thought I was going to die. The thing is nothing triggered it, I was happy Christmas shopping with my husband and the kids. All of a sudden I started sweating. I drank some water and tried to walk it off but nothing was working. I told my husband we had to go home but after only a couple minutes in the car I was having trouble breathing and started to tingle and lose sensation in my body and face.

The hospital is a five minute drive from the shopping center so I told my husband I needed to go to the emergency department. By the time I was seen the panic attack was so bad I couldn't breathe, my whole body was in paralysis (I honestly couldn't move even my index finger) and I had tingling all in my face and couldn't move my jaw properly. It was so terrifying. They gave me some Valium to calm me down and kept me for an hour observation. I still felt quite anxious for several hours but I am feeling better now.

I did some googling and the steroid I started today for pre-chemo (dexamethasone) has a side effect of severe panic attacks in 0.11% of cases so I am not sure that that was the cause but I am hoping since it was my first dose and nothing else triggered it. I hope to god I don't have to go through that again it was a nightmare. I have asked my oncologist to prescribe regular anti-anxiety medication for me to pick up tomorrow when I have chemo so I can hopefully prevent that nasty reaction again. I would rather add one more med to my list than deal with such intense anxiety attacks, I have never had anything like that before and hopefully don't ever again.

Chemo Tomorrow 

I start chemo tomorrow so I am very nervous and I am praying that all goes ok and I have minimal side effects and that I can combat the nausea. Wish me luck, I truly hope it goes better than I am expecting. I guess I will put my faith in god and pray that he will help me through this terrible time in my life. Bring on April when 'hopefully' I will be finished chemo and can start radiation and get back to my life!

Port is in, test drive tomorrow

That is where my port is located above my right breast, mine is actually a little lower than that one. It is all under the skin and they just use a needle to access the port in order to adminster chemotherapy.

That is a picture of the use of a port, although I have a different brand so mine is not purple but you get the idea.

The surgery was done under full anesthetic and I woke up in a really bad way. It was worse waking up from a short port surgery than my lumpectomy, sentinel node biopsy and axillary dissection combined. I had such a bad reaction to the anesthetic it was awful. Even after two IV anti-nauseants and maxalon when I got home it took me 36 hours to be able to eat and drink. It was really awful. The pain was bad too, panadiene forte (Tylenol 3's) did absolutely nothing. I did take an endone (not realizing it reacts with panadiene forte) and will not make that mistake again. I was terrified I was going to overdose, but never did thank goodness. I will not repeat that error in desperation to escape pain again it freaked me out after I figured out 5 minutes later what I did and I couldn't spew it up. Lesson of the day: Don't mix morphine tablets with codeine!

The only side effect that really scared me was that for 3 days every time I walked around it was like my blood pressure would go up and I would get pain in my jugular vein all the way up to my jaw and I would get short of breath I assume from anxiety). I just had to really relax, which I can never do so I always ended up overdoing it and then being freaked out. I had my appointment and the oncologist said all was well and the pain and pressure went away. I am very curious if anyone else had this issue since I couldn't find it on google. Please comment if you had something similar.

Now 6 days later I feel pretty darn good. The pain is only a bit at the incision site, you can hardly see the port under my skin and all is well. I still think it was the best decision I have made, and I hope the trial run tomorrow is a lot more relaxing that getting stabbed a million times with an IV for them to never get it right and end up with 12 holes in my arm for only 2 successful cannula's like last time.  Apparently from most other cancer patients they all agree, the port is the way to go! We shall see tomorrow!