Over The Half Way Mark

April 29th 2011 was my latest round of chemotherapy, number seven of ten. This latest round of chemotherapy was Paclitaxel high dose and dose dense every two weeks. I tolerated this chemo much better than the others as this one doesn't really cause nausea just bone pain and fatigue, nothing some codeine and some sleep can't fix. I do have to admit though the bone pain still lingers even with the codeine and it is a little hard to move around at times but still better than the last 6 chemo's.  I love how this time I have not been trapped in my bedroom sick as a dog. I actually spent my time relaxing on a chair outside reading a book and doing crossword puzzles. I can actually enjoy the good weather at the moment. Its such a nice and welcome change.

On my previous chemo on April 15th I ended up back in hospital for neutropenia AGAIN for another four days, which of course had to be Easter weekend. This time I waited 24 hours before I went into the emergency department with my fever which was a mistake! By the time I got in my blood pressure was 97/52 and I had started to go into sepsis, which is not good at all. They immediately made me change out of my clothes and get into a gown and had me pumped full of 2 litres of IV fluids in an hour and IV anti-biotics immediately. Note to self: Don't wait at home with a fever whilst on chemo no matter what time of night it is, go to ED. I got a lecture from my medical team about sepsis and how it can kill you and I could have ended up in ICU with a tube down my throat. Not a pretty thought. So this next time I get a fever I will go in asap, no waiting around its not worth it.

Since I was in hospital for Easter weekend we did our Easter celebrations this past weekend, so a week late but it was a lot of fun and the boys really loved the Easter egg hunt. I was so surprised I had the energy two days after chemo to organize the hunt and enjoy the weekend with the boys. I hope you all had a wonderful Easter weekend filled with family and good memories!

Here is a picture of some Easter Cookies the boys and I baked and decorated :)

Well only three more sessions of chemotherapy then I get a 5 week break to recover before starting radiation. Bring on June 10th, my last chemo :)

Two Down, Five To Go

Well chemo number two went okay, I felt less nauseous this round. I honestly think increasing my water intake helped flush the toxins out of my system. I usually struggle to drink 1.5 liters of water but this round of chemo I forced down 3 liters a day. It really was a struggle to drink so much water but I felt less nausea. I did still feel just as fatigued and 'unwell' though which is unfortunate. Normally with chemo even with all of the anti-nausea drugs I feel like I am going to vomit and I really struggle to eat. This time I ate fairly normal and just had moderate nausea. I will test my theory again and see if it works for me for round three which I have tomorrow.

I ended up admitted to hospital this round with neutropenia for 4 days. I was admitted on the second Saturday post chemo so cycle day 8. When I was admitted to hospital it was for fevers but my neutrophils were a low 0.2 so they admitted me into isolation to prevent me from picking up any infections or bugs. They did the usual tests, blood cultures (several), blood tests, chest x-rays, and swabs. I was immediately put on high dose IV anti-biotics. On Sunday about 10 hours after admission they re-tested my blood and the levels were 0.0 so I was at high risk of catching a virus or bacterial infection. Thankfully I avoided infection by being on isolation and got out of hospital on Wednesday.

Now I have round three of chemotherapy tomorrow and I hope it goes well. I had a great day today and although I really wanted a few days to feel good my blood levels required enough to continue with chemotherapy. I am disappointed but satisfied at the same time. My oncologist seems to think I will end back up in hospital with neutropenia because it gets worse with subsequent cycles. I am hoping I can avoid another admission because it will be during Easter Weekend and I would really like to have a great Easter weekend.  So fingers crossed I can be home and enjoy it with the family!

My New Chemotherapy Regime

Well since the local recurrence I needed a different chemotherapy plan so I saw two specialist oncologists and they made a new plan they think will give me the best outcome. There are so many different options, platinum chemotherapy, traditional chemotherapy and clinical trials.  My oncologists felt that they would rather use a traditional dose dense chemotherapy which has been known to work rather than the new therapies which have been known to work better with metastatic disease not local disease which I have. I will just put my faith in the experts and pray for the best outcome.

They will be giving me three doses of AC chemotherapy followed by four doses of paclitaxal. Each dose will be two weeks apart at a high dose. It will be a very intense regime, and it will be hard on my body but as long as it works I am willing to do anything. I will also lose all my eyebrows and eyelashes on the dose dense which will be upsetting as they only thinned last time.

I have had my first cycle of AC on Friday March 18th and it went well but it was different to the TAC chemotherapy side effects I had last time. When I was on TAC I never felt sick until the day after chemotherapy. With this new chemo I felt sick only a few hours after they administered the chemo. The nausea is pretty hard to deal with and I had some milder reflux this time as well. I was not feeling well for day but the side effects began to ease off on Wednesday, so five days post chemo. On Thursday though my husband went back to work and I really struggled looking after my boys with the fatigue and the ruminant sickness. I might see if he can hold off going back to work until Friday this time as it was really difficult. By Saturday March 26th I began to have fevers, and on Sunday I went into the hospital with a fever of 38.3 degrees Celsius. I was 0.1 above the nuetropenic level so I begged them not to admit me to hospital and they didn't. After they preformed a million blood cultures, blood tests, chest xrays, meliodosis swabs and questions they let me go home as long I got a blood test in the morning and if my levels dropped I would have to come back for admission. I was lucky and my levels came up so I escaped hospital this time.

I have my second cycle of AC chemotherapy tomorrow Friday April 1st, I only wish it was a fools joke. Wish me luck and I hope it goes well and the side effects come and go quickly. I think the main thing I am a bit bummed about is that my hair has started to grow back in the 7 weeks between my TAC chemo and starting the new regimen so its just over a centimeter long and it will all fall out again, including my eyebrows and lashes. I will however enjoy not having to shave my legs again for a while :)

I promise to be more vigilant on my blogging, and keep you all updated!

Post Surgery

Well I am in desperate need of an update so this will be the first of a few posts today in order to get everyone up to speed on whats been happening.

My mastectomy went off without a hitch on February 14th, 2011. I only ended up getting a left breast mastectomy due to a lack of surgical time as well as some reconstruction considerations. I awoke from the mastectomy surgery in minimal pain because they gave me several deep tissue pain management injections while I was still under the anethstetic. I was very nauseous though, I have always had a bad reaction to the anethstetic. It took me two days to feel well enough to eat so they had me on IV nutrients. I refused all the morphine again, I just can't handle not being in control of my body. I tried an endone which I used to be able to tolerate just fine and still keep my wits about me, but chemo must have made me more susceptible to pain killers because even that made me ridiculously dopey so I tried to get by on half of one.  The pain was pretty manageable though which was very surprising.

I had one surgical drain, other than it being annoying to carry around it wasn't too bad. I had the drain removed on the 3rd day so record time which was great. I have to give my body one thing, its really good at healing after surgery. It only really took me two weeks to get most of my range of movement back and to feel fairly normal.

When I got released from hospital we were in the middle of a cyclone, which was inconvenient to say the least. We have a Toyota Corolla which is fantastic for fuel economy but no so much for cyclonic driving conditions. So needless to say my husband couldn't pick me up from the hospital because of all the debris on the roads and closures so I had to spend the night on a chair in the hospital while trying to recover from a mastectomy. I was fairly upset, as mentally and physically I was dealing with something so big and I felt rather left in the dark.

Mentally recovering from the mastectomy was easier than I anticipated but still quite hard.  The first week I tried to ignore it and I was very self conscious in hospital while I couldn't wear a prosthesis. The scar is huge, approximately 12 inches in length. My husband has been incredibly accepting and he never shudders, cringes or makes me in anyway feel uncomfortable which I am grateful for. I get upset if my mastectomy bra shows and that I can't wear all my old clothes because the bra is so ugly. I miss my pretty bra's and the ability to feel 'even'. I am happy my breast is gone though because now I feel safe, that cancer cannot come back there. I know it will be a long road to deal with all the emotional implications but I feel like it is attainable and I have already met with the plastic surgeon for my reconstruction so I am confident I will have all my confidence back soon after I finish cancer treatment.

Bilateral Masectomy Here I Come

Written February 6th

I am obviously devestated and upset by this new revelation, I was more distraught yesterday. I had some big decisions to make. My left breast has to come off regardless but I also have the decision to keep my right one or have the two removed. After much careful consideration I have decided on bilateral masectomy. I would rather never have another chance of a tumor popping up, having a mammogram every 6-12 months for the rest of life and the constant worry about recurrance is too high a price to pay. I will get a reconstruction and implants to match my current size after I finish all my treatments so in about 6 months.

My masectomy is scheduled for Valentines Day; February 14th, 2011. What a day for it, I thought I might be able to have some flowers, chocolates and maybe a present but instead I will be in surgery and recovery.  I should be in hospital for 2 nights according to my surgeon.

Two New Tumours :(

Written February 2nd.

Well last week I had a biopsy for two new lumps I found. I never posted because I was clinging to the hope they were benign. Well unfortunately they are not. I have two new tumours that have grown while on chemotherapy. They are very small only 5mm in diameter each. I am very lucky I am still doing breast exams even while on chemotherapy so they think I have caught it very early which is always a good sign.

So I have what is classed as a Local Recurrence which is not the same as the cancer spreading to the rest of my body and can still be cured so long as that while this was growing the cancer has not spread anywhere else. I am booked in to have a CT scan and another bone scan to make sure it has not metastasized to anywhere else in my body.

Now my decision needs to be made on whether or not I want a bilateral (both sides) mastectomy or just a left mastectomy. I have one week to decide, then I meet with my surgeon to sign the necessary paperwork. This is going to be one tough decision.

My mastectomy is scheduled for February 14th, 2011. This is actually quite funny and kind of like de ja vous, considering I had a dream the night before my biopsy that it came back as cancer and I had to have a mastectomy on Valentines Day and I wrote a book about my experience and somehow worked Valentines into the title, haha. Maybe I am a little psychic, lol.

Excercise Physiologist is a good fit.

I typed this post on January 31st, but never posted it. Can you tell I am catching up since neglecting my poor blog

Well today I went and met with my exercise physiologist and she was great. We had a chat about my goals, and dietary needs. I also had a fitness test which I aced :) She said she will need to changer her program because my results completely screwed her average for her chemo patients and I will need a whole different program!

So the plan is for me to see a dietitian and get my diet into check without restricting calories (a big no no while on chemo) and then to get an exercise program and see her once a week for the beginning for the first month. She will give me at at home exercise plan so I can follow the program from home and still see results. Then I will have another 10 weeks of training (once a fortnight) and by then I will nearly be over all this cancer crap so I can get on with life! I will keep you posted on how it all goes!

Reached The Halfway Point

This post was typed on January 27th...I just never had a chance to post :)

Well everyone I have had my 3rd Chemo and I am halfway through!! I am so happy to finally reach the halfway mark, I feel like I can see light at the end of the tunnel. It has been a long time coming and it finally feels like I can get through this. After I finish chemo I just need to do 6 weeks of radiation and I am finished.

The only thing I am struggling with is an approved exercise regime.  I know they say to exercise I just don't know when its overdoing it so yesterday I got a referral to an exercise physiologist who specializes with chemo patients. I am looking forward to seeing what she recommends. I got referred by the lovely ladies at the cancer council.

 I also bought a bicycle and a kiddie trailer so I can ride with my boys for a bit of exercise on my two good weeks. Chemo only really seems to knock me about for a week and then I have 2 good, albeit tired weeks. I am hoping between Pilate's and bike riding I can get rid of the 5kg I have put on in the 3 and a bit months since diagnosis. Two of my main drugs Taxotere and Zoladex have the primary symptom of weight gain and water retention so between that and some naughty snacking its all working against me. Hopefully I can overcome it all and kick some of the weight to the curb. Fingers crossed.

Well wish me luck for my last 3 chemo's and kicking this weight gain into submission!

I Am Feeling Fantastic!

Well everyone I am feeling AWESOME with a capital A. I have started exercising again and getting back to eating a more modest diet after indulging a little too much for Christmas. I am cooking great healthy food again and I just feel fantastic. I get tired by lunch time and need a nap but other than that, and a lack of hair I feel like myself! I am having a really good day today. Yesterday I went and bought a bike and a Kiddie trailer (Courtesy of the fundraiser money; thanks girls!) so I can still get some great exercise while my husband is at work during the week. It also makes a great family activity, so it is magnificent.

Yesterday I tried out my new bike and ended up doing around 4km. It didn't really challenge me much but in an effort not to overdo it I decided not to push it. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good and I wasn't sore so today I managed 7km, which I think is rather impressive considering I only did chemo 9 days ago. I am going to aim for 7-10km everyday (except the few days I am sick following chemo). I really want to keep my body in shape and keep some of those endorphins I have been missing so much. I really think exercise is what I have been lacking and why I have been a bit down up until now. Sure I have an excuse to be down but why use it? I would rather look good, and feel even better by challenging myself and keeping active!

I also got a referral to an exercise physiologist so I can have a proper program to follow so I can achieve my fitness goals, while not overdoing it. The physiologist I got referred to is revered by the cancer council and she specializes in helping chemo patients. I am so excited to start!

I am also cooking again, something that is a true love of mine. I made Portuguese chicken with stuffed roasted capsicum, hasselbeck potato's and roasted herb zucchini. I am going to focus on trying many new recipes that are healthy and taste great. I really need some good vegetable recipes because steamed vegetables are getting old really fast. I also made some healthy blueberry oat muffins for a play date I am going on with a good friend. Between cooking, baking and exercise I have found my happy place!

Happy New Year, Another One Bites The Dust

Well chemotherapy session two is over and out, thank goodness and that means I am one third of the way through this whole chemo mess and one step closer to getting on with my life and all fingers crossed living cancer free. I still have good days, bad days, meltdowns, and happiness my emotions can be a little all over the place. For instance tonight I was feeling semi-ok being day five of my chemo cycle so I was excited to have a nice bubble bath and watch the DVD 'Despicable Me' with my gorgeous boys. Well the video store was all out and its not available for purchase until tomorrow. I had a mini-meltdown and felt like the world was against me yet again but I soon got over it had a bath with a gossip mag and reclaimed my evening. I guess my point is the simplest things can be over upsetting and I can feel irrational and upset over something that would not normally upset me. Welcome to life with cancer I guess, but that being said I have good days where I feel ready to reclaim my place on the 'healthy' side of life where the little things cannot get me down.  I will get over all of this and I will be fine, I will beat this. I will beat this because I know I am a strong woman and I will not let it beat me. I will not fail if I have a few less than 'positive' days that people like to push on me, I am entitled to have a bad day, a cry and a complain here and there because this situation really sucks. One thing I do get is one life experience that will most definitely make me stronger, more aware of my body and grateful. I will always be grateful for the treatment that has been such a nightmare because it will in the end save my life.

So this nightmare treatment was bad for the last few days, but in all honesty now I have gotten to day five I am feeling a bit better (except for the exceptionally irritating reflux) and it doesn't seem that bad. While its bad, its the worst and I feel like I can't do it again but then I get to a day like today and I know I can make it through yet another cycle of chemotherapy. I am not out of the woods of the chemo cycle yet and I could be horribly sick tomorrow but I think I am coping rather well. My husband is being exceptional and really stepping up to the plate. I get all the rest I need and he will get me anything I ask him for. He has been so fantastic and I appreciate how much he is helping me through this ordeal by just letting me recover when I need it and never pushing me to over exceed myself. Thanks Honey!

Side effect wise I had the normal nausea, tiredness, and general feeling of unwell. Last night was my worst night because I couldn't get to sleep, woke constantly with nausea, and reflux and discomfort I hope tonight is better. I haven't had the bad aches and pains like last time which is nice, I have only needed pain relief once. I have taken bucket loads of anti-nauseant medication though, which is to be expected. With all the medication I have had only 1 day of bad nausea where I felt as though I had a few too many cocktails the night before, unfortunately for me not a cocktail in sight.  I have also started to get as sore throat and some aches in my ears but I had that last time and I am on the mandatory anti-biotics so hopefully I don't end up neutropenic and in hospital like last time but I am confident I won't.

I am also doing a very in depth journal through this chemo cycle. I am documenting everything I do, eat, every nap, and side effect. I am hoping that the chemo effect diary will help me know what side effects to expect and when and also what I did to ease the side effects, what helped and what didn't. I am also finding it therapeutic to have an outlet to jot everything down.

So that's where I am at now, thank you for following along. I can assure everyone I am ok, and I will get through this. Thank you for the support, I really appreciate everyone being there for me and checking to see how I am doing.

Oh and before I forget:

Happy New Year!!!

My proud as punch moment: I had chemo on New Years Eve and I actually managed to go out to dinner with my Family, take the kids out for ice cream and fireworks and I stayed up for my midnight kiss! Is that amazing or what! I cannot believe I did it! I never knew I had it in me! So much for my preconceived notion of what a chemo patient was like!

I wish you all a Happy New Year, with many blessings!